Today I was thinking about things like finances, education, and doing the things you love. Living the life you love.
I was so proud of myself for finishing college while working at the college (mostly for the experience – not the money… but it certainly “paid” off in the end) then getting a “real” job where you get a salary and benefits and your own office and business card. Oh, man… was I the stuff at 24 years of age. I had my own apartment and I paid all my own bills and it. felt. fantastic. Every young woman should do it. If I ever have a daughter I will highly encourage her to establish herself as a solo and LOVE herself completely before ever becoming a “we.” My goal was always to never have to depend on anyone else. I won’t go into why I was so firmly insistent on that but let’s just say I was driven to do everything all by myself. People were disappointing! That DIY mentality still holds true in my personality. If you saw me carrying 75+ pounds worth of boxed up books across a parking lot and offered to help I would decline. “I got it!”
Now I’m married and I have a sweet baby boy that I stay home with. I don’t know what the future holds for the career I started or what the timeline is for that, but I am so thankful I established myself before becoming a mommy. Because you’re pretty much in second place once you are responsible for sustaining life for a helpless, precious little 10lb human. And you wouldn’t have it any other way. I don’t mean that in a warning/complaining kind of tone like you commonly see on the internet. “Kids ruined my life!” type stuff. No, this is not that.
He is always in the front of my mind and everything I think and do centers around him. The few times I’ve gone to a store by myself without my babe in tote, I always go to the toy aisle over anything I may want for myself. I’d rather purchase something that will bring out that sweet, hilarious giggle. When he falls asleep and I finally have some “me” time, I write in my baby journal about our day and tell him how much I love him. I talk to Wes about how much we love him and what he did or “said” that day that made us laugh.
So all these thoughts led me to thinking how I’ve become some of the things I never thought I would be. I guess a lot of mothers end up saying that? First of all, going a little further back in time, I never thought I would get married. Based on the image of marriage I had in my mind at the time – why would I want to do that? Well I had never met a man like my husband. Even after marriage I wasn’t even going to think about children until I was at least 30.
At 29 I gave birth and my life changed. Being a mommy now has opened up a whole new world for me, and I’ll wrap this up with one of many things I love about it:
Constant joy. Joy endures in spite of circumstances. So if I totally failed at everything I tried to accomplish in a day, I am still glowing and smiling from ear to ear when our sweet boy giggles. When he does anything, really. Because everything about him is pure joy. His scrunched up nose when he snorts, his sneezes, belly laughs, growls (he seriously growls… a lot), his pee pees and poo poos, when he totally soaks me and the kitchen with water because it is just SO MUCH FUN to splish splash in the bath, watching him “pet” our two cats and dog, his sweet angel face after he falls asleep… are you totally gagging at all this gushiness yet? It is safe to say that no matter what is going on, Wesley and I have found the greatest joy in the world.
Only 3 ½ more months and he will be ONE YEAR OLD. A toddler. Yes, I’m already brainstorming birthday party invitation design ideas. Time is moving so fast! It helps me appreciate every day, soak it all in, and quit worrying about tomorrow. :)